Love or Lust

In a world flooded with romantic movies, songs, and social media posts, it’s easy to confuse love with lust. But the Bible, our timeless guide, has much to say about this distinction. In friendships, courtship, marriage, or single and waiting, knowing the difference is essential for a life filled with God’s peace and joy. At first glance, the two may seem alike, igniting intense feelings of attraction. However, they diverge significantly in terms of emotional depth, intent, and the nature of the connections they foster. Ah, lust! That heart-pounding, can’t-stop-thinking-about-them feeling that hits you when you lock eyes with someone across the room. Lust is primarily about physical attraction. It’s the thrill you get when someone looks so good you can barely remember your own name. We’ve all been there, right? Don’t worry, this is a safe space. Winks. The Bible has a lot to say about lust. In Matthew 5:27–28, Jesus points out,

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (NIV)

Lust is potent, overwhelming, often short-lived with a rush or demand for immediate fulfilment and has the potential to lead to sinful behaviour and distance one from God. It is a more self-focused and intense desire that seeks to fulfil one’s own wants, often at the expense of true, meaningful connection. It turns people into objects and ignores their true value; it is fuelled by physical attraction alone and lacks depth, often leading to disappointment, guilt, or a feeling of emptiness once the initial excitement fades.

In simpler terms, if you’re thinking about someone that way, you might want to redirect those thoughts—like when you’re on a diet but see a dessert menu. It’s only natural for thoughts to come, but we have a duty to redirect them and pray about any that may be lingering in our minds.

Love– In contrast, love embodies a profound emotional bond. It is built on trust, respect, and genuine care for another individual. Love develops over time through shared experiences, mutual support, and a commitment to each other’s dreams and goals. It transcends physical attraction, diving further to the core of a person’s values, personality, and emotional needs. The Bible beautifully describes love in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…” (NIV).

In a loving relationship, you can reveal your true self and trust that your partner will accept you—quirks, flaws, and all. Lust might compel you to present only your most appealing facade, avoiding deeper emotional engagement.In 1 John 4:7-8, it is written,

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

This reiterates the notion that genuine love is rooted in the divine and reflects the essence of God’s character. Biblical love isn’t just a feeling—it’s an action and a choice. It’s about serving and sacrificing for others, even when it’s difficult. Think about Jesus: He laid down His life for us out of pure love. Love, in its truest form, comes from God and is modelled by His own actions toward humanity. By grounding ourselves in biblical principles, we can cultivate relationships that honour God and capture the beauty of true love.

Both love and lust are powerful forces that can influence our relationships, but knowing the difference can help us avoid confusion and heartbreak.

Love Endures; Lust Fades – Think about couples who have been together for decades, staying committed even through difficult seasons. That’s love, not because they didn’t have conflicts, but because they chose to stay. In contrast, lust usually wears off when things get hard.  1 Corinthians 13:7 says about love –

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (NIV).

Ever had a crush that lasted only as long as they looked amazing? Lust is all fireworks and fades once reality sets in, while love is a steady flame, burning brighter over time.

Love Respects Boundaries; Lust Pressures – If your partner insists on moving too quickly, especially physically, despite your discomfort or beliefs, it’s a red flag. Love respects and waits, but lust rushes and disregards. Song of Solomon 8:4 urges,

“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” (NIV).

Real love respects your “no” and honours your boundaries. If you’re feeling pressured and having to think of compromising, that might be lust talking, not love.

Love is selfless; Lust is self-seeking – Imagine you get an amazing job offer across the country. Someone who loves you will be happy for your success and encourage you to take it, even if it means a long-distance relationship. Lust, however, wouldn’t be able to look past the immediate loss or inconvenience.

Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.” (NIV). Love cares about what’s good for you; lust cares only about what’s good for itself.

Remember, relationships are meant to be reflections of God’s love for us. His love isn’t based on physical attraction or selfish desire—it’s deep, eternal, and unwavering. When we base our relationships on that same kind of love, we find joy, peace, and purpose. And if we find ourselves caught up in lust, God’s grace gives us the chance to start fresh and pursue love that honoursHim.

Final Thought
If you’re not sure whether it’s love or lust, take a moment to pray and reflect. God will guide you in your relationships if you ask Him. Lust may provide excitement, but love offers a foundation for enduring fulfillment. If it’s love, nurture that connection with care—because, like fine wine, true intimacy takes time to develop and is well worth the effort.

God’s love for you is the ultimate example of what true love should be.